How to know if it’s time to go

by | Apr 19, 2024

It can be difficult to decide to know when it’s time to leave a relationship, not every relationship has a dramatic breakup. Not every ex is a complete jerk. Sometimes, you both grow apart. Other times, you realize you’re great friends, but nothing beyond that. A good indicator that it’s time to leave is the mere fact that you’re considering it in the first place. If you’re still left wondering ‘should I leave’ then see how many of the following apply to your relationship:

  1. You’re focused on their potential: You cannot force someone to change. We, unfortunately, cannot predict the future. Some may never change, or they may change in ways we don’t want them to. It’s important to be with someone you like as is.
  2. Love has turned to hate: You should be proud of the person you are in a relationship with. If you can’t be happy for them, how do you expect to live in harmony with them? Relationships won’t be all butterflies and rainbows, but there should still be an overarching sense of positivity between you two.
  3. Physical/emotional violence is present: On the outside looking in, this one can be obvious, but when you’re involved in it things can feel much more complicated. If you are involved in an abusive relationship, the national domestic violence hotline is: 1-800-799-7233. I know it can seem scary and that getting out of abuse is difficult, but there are resources to help you.
  4. You are blamed for everything: A relationship is a two way street. You are supposed to work with your partner to get through problems, not work against them by playing the blame game.
  5. Betrayals are common: Betrayal can be as small as bailing on plans and can be as grand as infidelity. Regardless, when we don’t feel secure and can’t count on our partner for physical or emotional support, it may be time to exit.
  6. The relationship is making you sick: If you are chronically stressed, this can cause illnesses such as breast cancer or heart problems. If a relationship is causing you too much stress, this could be an indicator to go.
  7. Frequent disrespect: Disrespect can come in many forms, from calling you names or bad mouthing your friends to ignoring your needs or overstepping boundaries. Whatever the case, it’s worth considering how that applies to their character. Are they someone you want to form a lasting relationship with? If so, do you think you can learn to respect them?
  8. Lack of trust: Once you lose trust in someone, it’s hard to build it back up. It can be done, but what’s more important is to ask yourself ‘is the event that made me lose trust, one I can forgive?’
  9. You are your worst self when you’re with them: When you think of a life partner, is the first thing you think of ‘chaos’ or ‘drama’? NO. You want to be with someone who brings out the best in you, that understands you and pushes you to be your best self. If they’re bringing out the worst in you, it’s time to reconsider your stance with them.
  10. Their touch makes your skin crawl: While this is only one way to determine if that romantic connection is still there in the relationship, your reaction to your partner’s touch says a lot about how you’re feeling. If it feels foreign or makes you uncomfortable, it’s not a good sign. I’m not saying you’ll always enjoy the embrace of your partner. But if you are actively turned off by it, then it’s time to ask yourself if you’re still happy in your relationship or if something is missing.
  11. Friends and family can’t stand them: The people closest to you tend to know you the best, sometimes better than you know yourself. Sometimes we have rose-colored glasses about people we’re involved with. It’s like being underwater and trying to guess what’s happening on the land. Your friends standing on the shore can see clearly, but your vision is blurred. They’re not trying to make you miserable; all they want is what’s best for you.

If you’ve found many of these apply to your relationship, it’s time to take a step back and consider what you value in a relationship. Really ask yourself ‘Am I where I want to be in this relationship?’ and if the answer is no, ask yourself ‘Is this something we can get past?’ Then there’s your answer.

Remember: “Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.”