Controlling Anger

by | Jun 5, 2024

As we all know, life is full of highs and lows. As much as we wish life was all sunshine and rainbows, it’s important to try to make the best of the less desirable parts of life. In any case, it can be useful to be self aware, what causes certain emotions in us and how to control them. AWARENESS is the first and the most important step!

There are many scenarios in life that can anger us, and honing the skill to control your anger can benefit you in all of your relationships, personal or professional and most importantly the relationship with yourself.

The first step to controlling your anger is identifying the emotion. Again, it’s an important first step to become self aware when you’re starting to feel riled up, then you will be able to identify what might be triggering you. Oftentimes, anger is a cover or a symptom for something else bothering you. The next time you’re able to sense anger striking or bubbling up, try exploring why this situation is bothering you.

Another key practice is to take a step back. Sometimes, particularly as you are first honing this skill, it’s hard to restrain your emotion. If you are feeling overwhelmed and a lack of control, it may be in your (and whoever else is involved) best interest to step away. Take a breath and allow yourself to set a boundary. (I like the 4-7-4 breathing technique, where you breathe in with 4  breaths, hold for 7 seconds and breath out in 7)

Throughout any process dealing with anger, proper communication is extremely important. For example, if you walked away from a conflict that was angering you without expressing you need to take a step back to calm down, it could further escalate the situation. Being able to communicate, with kind or at least cordial words, how you are feeling will benefit all parties involved.

As much as we all like to believe we are always right, this cannot be true. Sometimes our mind can distort our thinking patterns. (Have you heard and fully understand the expression: You don’t know what you don’t know?! ) Considering this, it may be a good idea to challenge your own thoughts. This helps question the accuracy and validity of our thoughts while allowing us to see other perspectives. Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes can help you empathize with the other party and potentially dilute the sense of anger you’re feeling.

Same as any other skill, this will take practice. It is important to remind yourself to continue practicing these techniques in order to eventually get to a point where you are able to control yourself. As a reminder, give yourself grace throughout this process, it will not be linear. I believe in you!

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