Everyone knows how easy it is to look at a previous relationship and see it in rose- colored glasses. It’s important when deliberating getting back together with an ex to think critically first.
Yes, you are “emotional” about things because you have been “emotionally involved”?! Yes, you broke up because parts of the relationship were “broken”. Do you miss the person or do you miss the or a relationship? hmmm
Here are some helpful tips I’ve learned along the years to help you with your personal growth journey:
1. Reflect on the relationship truthfully.
Be honest with yourself. Why did the two of you break up in the first place? Were there recurring issues that weren’t able to be solved? Do you think said issues would resurface at the sight of a rekindled relationship? Not sure how? Journal for 20 minutes.
2. Consider your reasons for wanting to reconnect.
Everyone gets lonely, it’s important not to get back together just because of that. In my experience, it’s important to take time to recover from a breakup before trying to get back together. Right after a breakup you’re grasping for straws because your nervous system is so out of whack. Make sure you’re not reconnecting from your fear of being alone. It should be coming from love, respect, and desire for a long term healthy relationship. Not sure ? Journal for 20 minutes.
3. Forgiveness & letting go.
Before reaching out, you have to be prepared to forgive their past mistakes (and sometimes your own too). You will not be able to grow into a healthy couple if both of you are holding grudges.
4. Trust your gut.
Listen to your instincts about the situation. If something doesn’t feel right, take the time to explore those feelings before coming to a conclusion. Be sure to hash all that out before going to your ex. Pay attention to your mind and body while thinking about them. How are your anxiety levels? Do you feel tense at the thought of them or getting back together with them?
5. Seek support.
Talk to the people you feel closest to, the people that understand you the best. Reach out to family, friends, therapist, or me?! Whoever you’re most comfortable with that you think will be honest with you. The people you surround yourself by tend to know you best, and most likely the person you’re considering getting back together with. Ask them if they think it’s a good idea, why or why not? They will be able to tell you if your ex was good for you or not.
6. Take it slow.
If at this point you’ve come to the conclusion that you’re open to getting back together, take it slow. There’s absolutely no reason you should need to be rushing back into a relationship with someone. It’s difficult not to fall into old habits and the “ole dynamic” and it’s easy to rush back into place, but stay true to making a change. There was a reason you guys broke up in the first place, it’s important not to make the same mistake twice and go through unnecessary pain again.
7. Set clear boundaries.
In order to maintain a more healthy relationship, having clearly defined boundaries is very beneficial. This will, again, help from falling into old habits. Be clear about what you would like to be different in your new relationship and allow your significant other the opportunity to do the same with you.
8. Communicate.
Have an honest conversation about your feelings and expectations with this person. If you are willing to give the relationship another chance, you have to communicate what is expected when jumping back in. It’s important to discuss what went wrong and how it will change moving forward. It’s crucial to continue communicating throughout the relationship and avoid passive aggressive comments.
Remember, it’s essential to prioritize your well-being and happiness. If getting back with your ex feels right and both of you are committed to making it work, it can be a positive experience. However, if doubts persist or many unresolved issues, it might be best to move forward separately. Be good to yourself is the first step to finding the best relationship for you.